Grace
The Oxford language definition of grace is “simple, elegance or refinement of movement.” It is understood by Christians to be a “spontaneous gift from God to people—generous, free, and totally unexpected and undeserved.” I never understood what grace meant until I had to experience trauma and hardship in my life.
In 2017 I experienced a painful public divorce that I thought would break me. The pain, embarrassment, and shame were unlike any other feeling or emotion I’ve ever felt. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed. Days when I couldn’t eat, sleep or smile. I had to force myself to care for my children, take them back and forth to school and extracurricular activities, as well as continue to show up for work and produce effectively and efficiently. I became depressed, and I experienced anxiety like never before.
Admittedly, one day, I looked over at a pill bottle, and I thought to myself, Lord ,if I take this bottle of medicine, I won’t feel this pain ever again. It will all be over. But the thought of doing something so selfish and drastic would destroy my family. I was so weak, and I had no fight in me, no desire to move forward in any manner, on any level. I thought my life was over, and there was no reason for me to fight even if I could. It was then that I asked God to help me. This pain was unbearable, and I couldn’t continue to endure it. I remember the spirit whispering to me, “My grace is sufficient for you.” I pulled up 2 Corinthians 12:9 and the full verse says, “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
In that moment, “Wow,” was all I could say! I was broken-hearted, and I knew Psalms 134:18 says, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” I was crushed, and I felt abandoned. Yet Hebrews 13:5 reminded me of God’s promise. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” It took some time for me to receive the word of God, but I remember thinking I must figure out a way to cope with this pain to move forward with my life. After receiving wise counsel from my dear friend, Charlene, and so many others, I realized I didn’t need to just cope; healing had to be my primary focus. I began therapy, and it changed my life. I knew I had to do something different if I wanted to experience a better quality of life, and looking back on that time now, I’m glad I was able to take that step toward my healing. I had become so used to merely surviving that I forgot how to thrive in life.
During therapy I went through a series of emotions: anger, frustration, sadness, and rage. Then, one day, I heard a song by Tasha Cobbs… “Gracefully Broken.” In the song she begins with, “God will break you to position you. He will break you to promote you, but when He breaks you, He doesn’t hurt you. He does it with grace.” This song gave me a new perspective, and it truly blessed me. I made a choice to handle all areas of my life with grace. Grace saved my life! Grace gave me motivation and the desire to be unashamed. Grace gave me a new light and a new shine. Grace allowed me to walk with my head held high. Grace gave me the power to walk boldly and helped me put the pieces of my puzzle back together again. Grace gave me the courage to walk away from a life that I was comfortable with and start a new beginning.
I can tell you today that my healing has been a journey in itself. I am continually asked how I persevered. My response is, “I am a testament of God’s grace.” It is for this reason I pray God’s supernatural spirit will continue to dwell in me, as I continue to strive to be the Woman of Grace I have been called to be. And no matter what you experience in life, God’s amazing grace is extended to you too. Choose grace, for it is sufficient!
